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About Wellington

Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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As the day went on, I met up with some mates at the pub on the corner of Kelsey and McMillan. We were just chilling, having a few drinks, when this random guy walks in. He starts telling us about his “epic” fishing trip. I mean, it was so exaggerated, I thought he was gonna say he caught a shark or something. But nah, just a couple of tiny fish. We all rolled our eyes but played along.

Dave Mollard: Kelvin Grove has no heart